You Defiantly Can't Spell

"lmao, look at this idiot! He can't even spell the title correctly! Trololol."

Fuck you cunt(s.) Learn what irony is. I can definitely spell "definitely." Too bad 88.6% of people cannot. It's not a difficult word. It's simply the word "definite," with an "ly" at the end.

There is no excuse for you morons to spell this word wrong, over and over and over. God damn, you should be shot if you're going to spell it incorrectly and then post it on a forum such as the iTunes review. That is shit that you can't change. Whenever I happen to stumble across a review of an album by a user and I see them write at a second grade level, my dick becomes hard with rage.

Also for those of you who are wondering why I visit the iTunes store when I should clearly be stealing music: I visit the store to sample the music (which is of better quality than that of Youtube uploads.) I then decide whether or not I like the piece, and proceed to find a suitable torrent. It's a very simple process really.

Anyways, back to my rant. I can't believe how many morons can't spell this simple word. Here are some bastardized versions of a simple, English word:

- Defiantly (For fucks sake, that's a different word altogether!!!)
- Deffently (Sound it out dickbag, it doesn't even sound remotely correct.)
- Defintly
- Deffiantly
- Definitly (E! The fucking "E!")
- Defantly (Seriously, when I saw this, I nearly punched my grandmother.)
- Definnitely
- Defentily

Honestly, these are all examples of what stupid people have written. Not just on Facebook or MSN, but I've seen idiots even submit them to teachers in their homework. Jesus Christ you fail.

Now in all fairness, up until grade nine, even I had occasional problems with the word. You know what I did to combat my own idiocy? I LOOKED IN A FUCKING DICTIONARY!

Learn to open a dictionary morons. Hell, you can literally use an internet dictionary. For Christ sakes, if you open Microsoft Word you can even type in "deffently" or whatever retarded way you think its spelled; and it will give you a little red line telling you: "You fucked up the spelling." From there you can highlight your fail, right-click and it will give you the CORRECT spelling. Use it fuckwads. Learn to spell an easy word.

I hate you all.

PS - Happy one month. Unlike the rest, you don't fail.

Silly Slut, You're Not a Duck - You're a Slut!

To start things off, let's get a haiku up in this bitch.

Kill yourself now please,
Divide yourself by zero,
Prepare your anus.

Shakespeare was a classy devil if I do say so myself.


Anyways, this brings me to my inevitable rant. Today, let's cuntpunch a social disease. I'm sure you've guessed by now (if not read the title, dipshit,) that we're going to talk about "ducklips."

As defined by some guy on urbandictionary.com:

Ducklips -

Where one's lips look like a duck's bill(beak). Most scenefags [sic] make kissing faces while they take endless pictures of themselves and post them at various places on the internet. They think it looks really cool, but they actually look like an ugly ass duck. It looks really AWFUL, and makes me wan't [sic] to destroy the internet because so many people are doing it.


You see, I rather like this guy. I like his hateful spirit enough that I won't rip on his improper use of an apostrophe. However, I must say that it is not only "scenefags," who spread this mouth cancer around the internet. Oh, it's much worse. Every idiot with a Nikon does this. Apparently looking like you're in the middle of an enema is attractive, and guys will want you.

Here's a tip: I'm a guy. Trust me; we all think you look stupid. The only guy's who get a chub from seeing them are morons, and borderline furries. Needless to say, both groups are fucked beyond belief.

Look, I know that I'm not a model and no, I haven't taken any classes on fashion or anything, nut I think I can make a fair assessment of what makes someone look like an idiot. So with that being said, we must now try and figure out WHY, someone would intentionally try to make themselves look like they just sucked on *insert your own example here, ________________.

Personally I think it just comes down to people being insecure. A lot of people (and by this I mean teenage girls with a Facebook account,) feel like they're not pretty enough, or that people are judging them. Now, to be fair the latter is 100% true. I won't try to bullshit you by saying people aren't THAT shallow. I'm a realist, not a FOX reporter. On the other hand, a lot of these girls who make the duck-face, are actually pretty attractive. So why is it that the hot chicks are insecure? Is it due to their parents not giving them enough attention or something? LOL NO! It's actually because they're stupid. No seriously - it's that simple.

Fucking fuck. Just stop making making idiotic faces, okay? I swear you're mouth looks like an aliens asshole when you do it.


Also, watch these two videos SIMULTANEOUSLY. Your face will melt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLx60TZ9_T8
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=otphq5MuVqA

WTF Post

Why do people do things that are so FUCKING STUPID?

For instance, why do pornstars have Twitter accounts? No one cares what you have to say. Now bang me. Thanks.

Why don't we just assassinate Kim Jong Il? I mean, he's fucking crazy, and everyone hates him. His pansy-ass staff wouldn't do shit afterwards, anyways.

Some dumb bitch in my Marketing class today had an answer to a question. The answer was $48,800 (Forty-eight thousand, eight-hundred.) She literally read it as "four, eight, eight, zero, zero." When the teacher was like "lolwut," she replied that she "wasn't very good at reading out numbers [Sic]."

I consistently have an 80+ average in University level courses (not amazing but well above most of my peers,)... and that is an example of one of my classmates. Man the fucking harpoons.

Now, here's more bullshit that pisses me right the fuck off:

Women flock to the dude that played Edward Cullen... need I say more.

People don't appreciate the show "Whose Line is it Anyway?" like they should. People are fucking stupid.

Fleshlights are too damn expensive in my humble opinion.

People rip on Tiger Woods because he banged Holly Sampson and Joslyn James. Those are too hot and slutty pornstars. I for one, congratulate the man. Needless to say, I'd happily put my penis in both of their vaginas. I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic...

The Ottawa Senators continue to keep Matt Carkner on defence as the playoffs near... good luck morons.

The Game, The Hangover and the Fact That I Spew Hate

Oh The Game, have you heard of it? It's wonderful you see. Did you just lose it? You know you did. Haha, you just thought of it, and you better have announced it to everyone within close proximity.

I'm so glad that The Game has come along. It's so cool!!!

:)




Fuck that, it's just damn stupid.

"The Game," is simply a large scale way to make every attention craving idiot feel connected. Birds have calls, dipshits have The Game. It wouldn't even be that bad if people actually new where The Game was popularized. Let's call it... Ebaumsworld. Hell, I would even tolerate this stupid shit if they didn't constantly have to say "Herpity derp, I lost the game guys, har har har DERP."

Sweet Christ, if you have not heard of "The Game," until now... count yourself as one of the few lucky humanoids. Don't you dare become one of the blubbering thwarted abortions. Only say "I lost the game," if you're mocking those of which that have the IQ of a banana.


On a side note, The Hangover is amazing. You know of that movie by now I would hope. If you haven't, I would STRONGLY recommend that you go out and buy it. I personally do not often recommend buying a movie, but in this case, I would suggest that you don't just torrent this bastard.

The only potential flaw with The Hangover, is the fact that they are set to release the sequel (cleverly named, The Hangover 2,) in 2011, I believe. The potential flaw in this of course, is the fact that many sequels SUCK. Hopefully this will be an exception to the movie rule, but I am bracing for a flop.

Regardless, I will forever love my satchel.

I've Come to a Conclusion About Teenage Girls (People Make Me Rage)

Ever wonder why teenage girls like Edward Cullen, 95 pound emo guys and highschool football players with the brain power of a shoe? If you have, kudos to you. You're probably not a dumbass.


Question Time


Q - Why do girls like Edward Cullen?

A - Stupidity. Robert Pattinson looks like he's stoned 24/7 and the only thing that works in his favour, is that he plays a character that may seem perfect in a book. Basically people read the stupid book Twilight, get a vag-boner and fall in love with that vampire doucher. Sketchy actor plays said vampire, and makes Miley Cyrus fans wet.


Q - Why do girls like emo/scene guys?

A - I have the theory that girls view them as lifelike dolls. You can put anything on them, and make them look like an asshole, and they won't care at all. As long as they can brood, listen to shitty bands (All Time Low, Thrice, etc.,) and take up bullshit causes like The Emo College Fund, Slit Wrists for Scabies or Silent Screams of the Socially Retarded.

God, I fucking hate you. Fuck the hipsters too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people who necessarily look like "emos/scenefucks," are dipshits, it's the one's who try to act like they're above everyone, act like total morons around their peers, brood over how they got the 8GB iPhone instead of the 16GB iPhone ("fuck you mom!,") or they "know the truth," or some other dumbass line like that.


Q - Why do girls go for stupid guys?

A - They like people on the same intellectual platform as them... Calm the fuck down. I'm joking. Honestly though, I think that they like stupid guys for the same reason we all like puppies. They're simple and they make us feel better about ourselves.


This post believe it or not, wasn't inspired by any kind of traumatizing event, where I was spurned or otherwise rejected. In fact, it's just a simple case of my bullshit detector doing cartwheels. It is my only wish that people would wake the fuck up. Stop acting like a prick, and stop trying to impress people. You look like an asshole.

And to those of you who might think that I'm simply posting this to get some kind of a reaction... you're right. I hope to God, that someone provides me with the answers to the aforementioned questions.

Also, I found this to be quite lulzy. Enjoy.

Facebook

We all know of. We love it and we saw we hate it. And with that, it's very clear some of us, use it far too much.

As a person who has had an account for a little over a year now, I've seen plenty of stupid crap posted by people. Things ranging from wall posts like "lool biiiiitch, were gunna get fucked up tonite! love ya slut!" to requests that ask you to join a group about supporting Fred.

I know right. 2012 cannot come fast enough.

Don't get me wrong though. Facebook can be a pretty great thing, as long as you're not a douchebag. The problem though, is that even if you're not the douchebag... you can be certain that there will be anywhere upwards of ten people on your friends list, that are.

How to Look Like an Ass:

- Continually ask me to join your Mafia, Fantasy Sport League, etc.

- Suggesting me to join groups such as "I flip my pillow over to the cool side."

- Pointless wall posts (We know, that you know, that we can see when you post your dumb shit.) We know there's a party. EVERYONE knows. We're going too. Shut the fuck up already bitch.

- This is largely associated with the third point here: Posting pictures of yourselves at parties. It's ok if you take 5-10 per party if you go all the time, but if you take between 20-100... every party, it gets really, really, really, really, really... redundant...

- Posting status updates every twenty minutes (if not fewer...) This isn't Twitter... And just like Twitter, nobody cares.

- Spamming your blog, Youtube channel, blood type, etc (I don't do it with mine, because if they saw this, they'd realize that I hate most of them.)

- Adding random people and then never responding to them when the send you a message asking who you are. Just fucking answer creep.

- Being alive.


Now as you can undoubtedly see, I am once again correct about everything I've just said....

'D' is for Douchebag

So as I walked through our school cafeteria today, I notice this kid. He was sitting alone eating a sandwich. All seemed well until the little bastard looks me dead in the eyes and... well the little cuntsack just fucking unloads the grossest, most Hitleresque sneeze that I've ever seen. Honest to Buddha, a piece of chicken shot past my head... needless to say, I plan to press charges on the grounds that he is a douchebag.

Now the second asshole I've encountered was just plain dumb. Sitting at one of our lovely econo-save excuses for a lunchtable, this dumb bitch (I mean this in the nicest way possible) just sort of creates her own conversation about me... while being about two and a half feet across from me. Apparently I am dumb, debf and blind so that I can't possibly know when a scrote-faced prick decides to talk shit (again, nicest meaning of those words,) about me. I was sort of surprised that there was any sort of conversation to be had about me, due to the fact that I'm about as gossip-worthy as an orange.

Now I really could care less about this awkward encounter, but I'd like to share this as advice to stupid people everywhere who think that they're on a higher pedastal than the rest of us commonfolk, that their opinion really "matters:"

Your opinion really just doesn't matter.

A Lesson (in Dumbassary...)

*This will be random and will most likley offend some twelve year old... I appologize for sincerely not caring*

Hanna Montana sucks.

"Yeah but dude, you're just an untalented waste, who is just jealous of what this person has achieved. You're just jealous because she'll make more money in a month than you will in a lifetime. Damn dude you really suck because you feel the need to write this in a blog rather than doing something productive with your life."

... wow you just read me like a book. You've totally seen that I'm jealous and hateful for no apparent reason... don't get me wrong though, I'll still be that way regardless of these facts.

Lets be real folks, she may be a superstar who is slowly consuming legions of fragile preteen minds, but in all factually her fans hate her as much as I do. They just don't know it yet.

"But dude, why do the fans love her enough to go to her concerts and illegally download her so-called music???"

Oh don't worry, it's totally explainable: THEY'RE STUPID.

"Do you care to elaborate on that?

... No.

"Let's see how other Disney... "stars," have faired:
Lindsay Lohan: ... nuff said.
Jonas Brothers: "Burnin' up"... shut the fuck up...
Demi Lavato: Yeah I know eh, I've never heard a song either.
Hilary Duff: Disney did something right...

But do you know what pisses me off the most??? It's the fact that I've been calling her by a stagename the entire time, and I find it totally acceptable.

"Wow of all things, THAT pisses you off? Just call her Miley Cyrus then!"

I shall not, because I intend to end this post.

In conclusion: Kiss my ass Disney. You're slowly killing me along with global warming, and a suddenly laggy internet connection (let's just say... laggy porn...)