My Head Hurts

So I'm lurking the interwebs, and I see two links. The person who provided them claimed that these were the worst two groups IN THE WORLD. Well, I found this quite hard to believe. I mean look at the shit who is out there already:

-Miley Cyrus
-The Jonas Brothers
-Ke$ha
-Owl City
-Hollywood Undead
-Lady GaGa
-Soulja Boy
-Justin Bieber
-Stereos
-Hedley

Well, we all know there are more, but I'm to lazy to type all of this shit down. Anyways though, let's get back to my story shall we?

So the two links sent me to two groups. One was a girl group called: "Millionaires." Even by the group name I could tell my day was going to take a turn for the worse.

The second group consisted of males (theoretically,) and was called "Brokencyde." Well, the name sounded a bit stupid, but so does "Dropkick Murphy's," or "36 Crazyfists," and they're both pretty good bands.

So as I load the two videos, I instantly notice a few things that they share:

-Both groups look like ridiculous scene/hipster assholes.
-The song names are ridiculously stupid.
-The group names are ridiculously stupid.
-The comments below the video were ridiculously stupid.
-AUTOTUNE, AUTOTUNE and more AUTO-FUCKING-TUNAGE.


After watching about one minute of each video, I instantly felt the need to smash my laptop against my wall. However I soon realized that I love her, and decided to cry into a pillow instead.

These videos should be enough to either convert you to good music, kill yourself, reinforce your feelings of love towards metal/rock, or make you hurt innocent things.

Here are the links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruTqtbiLNAU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMdAbLVdx5U


If you have the balls to make it through the end of this task, I will be more than happy to call you a God.




Tolerance to Shit Game

Easy Mode: 10 seconds.
Normal Mode: 20 seconds.
Hard Mode: 40 seconds.
Extreme Mode: 1 minute, 30 seconds.
"I've had a lobotomy" Mode: 2 minutes.
GOD MODE: Watch that entire fucking video.

You only have to do this for ONE video. Making you watch both would just be mean. You must watch the video and listen simultaneously. Listening with your eyes closed is an instant disqualification.

Good luck you brave motherfuckers.

I've Come to a Conclusion About Teenage Girls (People Make Me Rage)

Ever wonder why teenage girls like Edward Cullen, 95 pound emo guys and highschool football players with the brain power of a shoe? If you have, kudos to you. You're probably not a dumbass.


Question Time


Q - Why do girls like Edward Cullen?

A - Stupidity. Robert Pattinson looks like he's stoned 24/7 and the only thing that works in his favour, is that he plays a character that may seem perfect in a book. Basically people read the stupid book Twilight, get a vag-boner and fall in love with that vampire doucher. Sketchy actor plays said vampire, and makes Miley Cyrus fans wet.


Q - Why do girls like emo/scene guys?

A - I have the theory that girls view them as lifelike dolls. You can put anything on them, and make them look like an asshole, and they won't care at all. As long as they can brood, listen to shitty bands (All Time Low, Thrice, etc.,) and take up bullshit causes like The Emo College Fund, Slit Wrists for Scabies or Silent Screams of the Socially Retarded.

God, I fucking hate you. Fuck the hipsters too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people who necessarily look like "emos/scenefucks," are dipshits, it's the one's who try to act like they're above everyone, act like total morons around their peers, brood over how they got the 8GB iPhone instead of the 16GB iPhone ("fuck you mom!,") or they "know the truth," or some other dumbass line like that.


Q - Why do girls go for stupid guys?

A - They like people on the same intellectual platform as them... Calm the fuck down. I'm joking. Honestly though, I think that they like stupid guys for the same reason we all like puppies. They're simple and they make us feel better about ourselves.


This post believe it or not, wasn't inspired by any kind of traumatizing event, where I was spurned or otherwise rejected. In fact, it's just a simple case of my bullshit detector doing cartwheels. It is my only wish that people would wake the fuck up. Stop acting like a prick, and stop trying to impress people. You look like an asshole.

And to those of you who might think that I'm simply posting this to get some kind of a reaction... you're right. I hope to God, that someone provides me with the answers to the aforementioned questions.

Also, I found this to be quite lulzy. Enjoy.

I Just... I Hate You.

Music.

Remember when music was, good?

Yeah, me neither.



Here are the top ten most downloaded songs on the Canadian iTunes chart for the 7th of November 2009.

1. TiK ToK by Ke$ha
2. Fireflies by Owl City
3. Sexy Bitch by David Guetta
4. Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
5. Party in the U.S.A. by Miley Cyrus
6. 3 by Britney Spears
7. Meet Me Halfway by Black Eyed Peas
8. Russian Roulette by Rihanna
9. Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo
10. I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas


Jesus. Christ.

See this is one of the things that make me think that most people are at the very least, semi-retarded. Of all those songs, "Fireflies," is the closest thing to a rock or metal song... That's just fucking ridiculous.

What ever happened to people listening to bands like, System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, Tool, or CCR? To be fair, Tool isn't in the iTunes store, but I can almost guarantee that a Madonna or a bullshit Kelly Clarkson song would be higher on the charts than "Schism," or "Prison Sex."
I understand that people are entitled to their opinion. I also realize that their opinion, is inferior to mine. Still though, I am dumbfounded that people have all seem to have reverted to listening to songs with no other meanings than, "you drunk enough to fuck yet?," or "man... fuck, my bling's the shit yo."

Does anyone else miss songs that had good musicianship? One can only take so much synthesized, uninspired crap, until they snap and beat up a nun. Speaking of uninspired, when did it become acceptable to have a number one single that mainly consisted of the words, "Tonight's gonna be a good night..."? Wow, thanks for the protip there, Fergie.
Songs like "Sober," "Chop Suey!," and "Sleep Now in the Fire," actually meant something. Guess what, eventually they were condemned by certain groups because people were being influenced by them, instead of having their minds turned into mush.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not some guy trying to pass himself off as a deep, caring and overly serious person, by saying I wish more songs had a serious message to them. I too listen to songs that are simple. The difference between say, a typically simple Britney Spears song, and a song by Iron Maiden, is that her songs usually have a single beat that gets progressively more annoying throughout. On the other hand, Maiden actually can play their instruments and can create several DIFFERENT riffs and breakdowns.

The biggest problem with music though is how it's marketed. Obviously it would be easier to sell a kid a Jonas Brother's backpack, than it would be to sell them an In Flames backpack. It's also kind of hard to promote a sit-com that stars Serj Tankian and Corey Taylor, I would guess.
The problem is things like those don't revolve the music at all. It's just a public popularity test, that doesn't factor in what they do. Play music.

It seems that so many people in this American Idol age use this tried and true method:

-Make an album.
-Get semi famous.
-Then release another album that sounds the same.
-Get REALLY famous.
-Get their own television show or cologne.
-Market to stupid people.
-???
-Profit.
-Celebrity sextape.
-Comeback tour.
-Second failed sitcom.
-Celebrity rehab.
-Failed marriage.
-???
-Divorce... oh, and profit somehow.
-MORE profit.
-???
-E! True Hollywood Story Special.


It's not only music anymore. It's a culture now.

I don't know about you, but I for one have decided that I will begin bowing to the Chinese. Who knows, if I play my cards right, I could make it as a footstool.


"When you lose small mind, you free your life..." - System of a Down (Aerials)

Facebook

We all know of. We love it and we saw we hate it. And with that, it's very clear some of us, use it far too much.

As a person who has had an account for a little over a year now, I've seen plenty of stupid crap posted by people. Things ranging from wall posts like "lool biiiiitch, were gunna get fucked up tonite! love ya slut!" to requests that ask you to join a group about supporting Fred.

I know right. 2012 cannot come fast enough.

Don't get me wrong though. Facebook can be a pretty great thing, as long as you're not a douchebag. The problem though, is that even if you're not the douchebag... you can be certain that there will be anywhere upwards of ten people on your friends list, that are.

How to Look Like an Ass:

- Continually ask me to join your Mafia, Fantasy Sport League, etc.

- Suggesting me to join groups such as "I flip my pillow over to the cool side."

- Pointless wall posts (We know, that you know, that we can see when you post your dumb shit.) We know there's a party. EVERYONE knows. We're going too. Shut the fuck up already bitch.

- This is largely associated with the third point here: Posting pictures of yourselves at parties. It's ok if you take 5-10 per party if you go all the time, but if you take between 20-100... every party, it gets really, really, really, really, really... redundant...

- Posting status updates every twenty minutes (if not fewer...) This isn't Twitter... And just like Twitter, nobody cares.

- Spamming your blog, Youtube channel, blood type, etc (I don't do it with mine, because if they saw this, they'd realize that I hate most of them.)

- Adding random people and then never responding to them when the send you a message asking who you are. Just fucking answer creep.

- Being alive.


Now as you can undoubtedly see, I am once again correct about everything I've just said....

School (Damnit.)

Oh God, the inevitable bullshit looms ever nearer. Yes, the beginning of another school year. Where millions of us (most of which have no future... you know it's true,) go back to learn things that will be 'useful,' and guide us for the rest of our lives. It's also a time where I have to start going to bed at a reasonable hour (midnightish.) It's the time where we all die a little inside. One more year will pass, and all we have to show for it, is a few pieces of paper with information on how we're either excelling at becoming a future worker drone, or how we are going to one day be another huge disappointment to our friends, family and possibly a gynaecologist.

For some of us, this school year means, that it's the last go around. It's last last year that we have to be stuck in the same little town, with the same people we've known since we last threw toys at each other (for some of us that was actually just yesterday...) Most importantly though, it means that this year, our marks actually affect us... A LOT. For me especially this is quite depressing. Through grades nine to eleven, I simply did enough to get by. Some would call this 'lazy,' but I call it efficient. I'm sure you can see how I'm right... again.

Don't get me wrong, there are bright sides to school though. We get to see our friends more often, we get to meet new people and if we actually like the subject, we mind actually enjoy learning some shit.

Ok, so as you can see, there are plenty of good reasons to go back. The underlying issue though is that once we're trapped until 3'oclock, Monday through Friday, is that we lose almost all of our independent freedom to think. Now by this I don't mean your thoughts on how you INDEPENDENTLY dislike your French class... no it's ok to think that. But what isn't encouraged is to think WHY DO WE NEED TO LEARN FRENCH? Should a class like that not be optional? Will the majority of us ever need to learn French?

Non, nous volonté pas.

That's right, I'm totally saying that our schools don't want us to think for ourselves most of the time. They discourage us from doing things that are just human nature. Any kind of violent act is discouraged. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging violence, but I do encourage people who stick up for themselves. Instead of taking abuse by his peers all through his school life, and then deciding to one day go on a shooting spree, little Timmy should just punch that bully in the face, and I can guarantee you won't see any more problems.

They (schools,) treat swearing for the most part, to be a hardcore act of defiance. Fuck that, it's just a common thing to do. If some kid in the hall accidentally knocks a book from under your arm, I think that it's your right to call him a dick. That kid knows that you probably don't mean it, and YOU know you don't mean it. You're just letting off some steam. It's just words, people get over it.

I could go on and on, about how all of this is a great form of bullshit, but I truly know that this is all falling upon deaf ears so to speak.

Arkells

Yeah I know right... what in the hell are "Arkells?"

The Arkells are this really amazing alt rock band. I'm serious people, check these guys out. Every song is great, catchy... sometimes they even induce projectile vomiting from their immense awesomeness.
If you're not searching Youtube for them yet then I don't know what else I can say to convince you.

As for their sound, it can best be described as if the two bands, illScarlett and Tokyo Police Club got bored one day and thought, "Ugh, Two and a Half Men is a re-run... let us produce pure awesomeness from our loins."
And with that folks, an amazing band was created.

To quote a very well respected man known as The Sex Dragon, "check out this band or I might just steal your dog. Just kidding, but I will give you a menacing look."
I would do what he says, he might just be a crazy sumbitch.

Here's a link to the best song from the Arkells CD, "Jackson Square."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LDEwHxInRE

A Lesson (in Dumbassary...)

*This will be random and will most likley offend some twelve year old... I appologize for sincerely not caring*

Hanna Montana sucks.

"Yeah but dude, you're just an untalented waste, who is just jealous of what this person has achieved. You're just jealous because she'll make more money in a month than you will in a lifetime. Damn dude you really suck because you feel the need to write this in a blog rather than doing something productive with your life."

... wow you just read me like a book. You've totally seen that I'm jealous and hateful for no apparent reason... don't get me wrong though, I'll still be that way regardless of these facts.

Lets be real folks, she may be a superstar who is slowly consuming legions of fragile preteen minds, but in all factually her fans hate her as much as I do. They just don't know it yet.

"But dude, why do the fans love her enough to go to her concerts and illegally download her so-called music???"

Oh don't worry, it's totally explainable: THEY'RE STUPID.

"Do you care to elaborate on that?

... No.

"Let's see how other Disney... "stars," have faired:
Lindsay Lohan: ... nuff said.
Jonas Brothers: "Burnin' up"... shut the fuck up...
Demi Lavato: Yeah I know eh, I've never heard a song either.
Hilary Duff: Disney did something right...

But do you know what pisses me off the most??? It's the fact that I've been calling her by a stagename the entire time, and I find it totally acceptable.

"Wow of all things, THAT pisses you off? Just call her Miley Cyrus then!"

I shall not, because I intend to end this post.

In conclusion: Kiss my ass Disney. You're slowly killing me along with global warming, and a suddenly laggy internet connection (let's just say... laggy porn...)