Tyler Perry

...is not fucking funny.

If you watch Meet the Browns or Tyler Perry’s House of Payne… you’re an idiot and clearly you do not have a proper sense of what is and is not funny. Seriously, how the hell can someone watch his work without having a lobotomy beforehand? Meet the Browns has the comedic value of a condom but lacks the twenty minutes of enjoyment. Not to mention the father character sounds like he took a 3-Wood to the throat. You can make your own jokes about that last sentence.

As for the abortion known as Tyler Perry’s House of Payne, all I will comment on is the fact that one of the characters’ name is Malik. Malik. MALIK? FUCK. God dammit Perry, how the fuck did you get famous? You’re just about as stupid as your audien-… wait. That’s it! That is how you became famous! THE PEOPLE WHO WATCH YOUR SHOW ARE BRAINDEAD, MORONIC FUCKS.

I would just like to point out that his character selection is old, tired, moronic and slightly racist in a way. I mean, not that I care about racism that much, however if you haven’t noticed – the subtle racism/stereotyping is so prevalent that you can’t possibly miss it. In every movie and “sitcom” he has created, there are always:

• Sassy black lady
• Older sassy black lady
• P-whipped man
• Older, emasculated, pussy-whipped man

HOLY CUNTFUCKS HOW ORIGNAL.

My Head Hurts

So I'm lurking the interwebs, and I see two links. The person who provided them claimed that these were the worst two groups IN THE WORLD. Well, I found this quite hard to believe. I mean look at the shit who is out there already:

-Miley Cyrus
-The Jonas Brothers
-Ke$ha
-Owl City
-Hollywood Undead
-Lady GaGa
-Soulja Boy
-Justin Bieber
-Stereos
-Hedley

Well, we all know there are more, but I'm to lazy to type all of this shit down. Anyways though, let's get back to my story shall we?

So the two links sent me to two groups. One was a girl group called: "Millionaires." Even by the group name I could tell my day was going to take a turn for the worse.

The second group consisted of males (theoretically,) and was called "Brokencyde." Well, the name sounded a bit stupid, but so does "Dropkick Murphy's," or "36 Crazyfists," and they're both pretty good bands.

So as I load the two videos, I instantly notice a few things that they share:

-Both groups look like ridiculous scene/hipster assholes.
-The song names are ridiculously stupid.
-The group names are ridiculously stupid.
-The comments below the video were ridiculously stupid.
-AUTOTUNE, AUTOTUNE and more AUTO-FUCKING-TUNAGE.


After watching about one minute of each video, I instantly felt the need to smash my laptop against my wall. However I soon realized that I love her, and decided to cry into a pillow instead.

These videos should be enough to either convert you to good music, kill yourself, reinforce your feelings of love towards metal/rock, or make you hurt innocent things.

Here are the links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruTqtbiLNAU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMdAbLVdx5U


If you have the balls to make it through the end of this task, I will be more than happy to call you a God.




Tolerance to Shit Game

Easy Mode: 10 seconds.
Normal Mode: 20 seconds.
Hard Mode: 40 seconds.
Extreme Mode: 1 minute, 30 seconds.
"I've had a lobotomy" Mode: 2 minutes.
GOD MODE: Watch that entire fucking video.

You only have to do this for ONE video. Making you watch both would just be mean. You must watch the video and listen simultaneously. Listening with your eyes closed is an instant disqualification.

Good luck you brave motherfuckers.

Facebook

We all know of. We love it and we saw we hate it. And with that, it's very clear some of us, use it far too much.

As a person who has had an account for a little over a year now, I've seen plenty of stupid crap posted by people. Things ranging from wall posts like "lool biiiiitch, were gunna get fucked up tonite! love ya slut!" to requests that ask you to join a group about supporting Fred.

I know right. 2012 cannot come fast enough.

Don't get me wrong though. Facebook can be a pretty great thing, as long as you're not a douchebag. The problem though, is that even if you're not the douchebag... you can be certain that there will be anywhere upwards of ten people on your friends list, that are.

How to Look Like an Ass:

- Continually ask me to join your Mafia, Fantasy Sport League, etc.

- Suggesting me to join groups such as "I flip my pillow over to the cool side."

- Pointless wall posts (We know, that you know, that we can see when you post your dumb shit.) We know there's a party. EVERYONE knows. We're going too. Shut the fuck up already bitch.

- This is largely associated with the third point here: Posting pictures of yourselves at parties. It's ok if you take 5-10 per party if you go all the time, but if you take between 20-100... every party, it gets really, really, really, really, really... redundant...

- Posting status updates every twenty minutes (if not fewer...) This isn't Twitter... And just like Twitter, nobody cares.

- Spamming your blog, Youtube channel, blood type, etc (I don't do it with mine, because if they saw this, they'd realize that I hate most of them.)

- Adding random people and then never responding to them when the send you a message asking who you are. Just fucking answer creep.

- Being alive.


Now as you can undoubtedly see, I am once again correct about everything I've just said....

Why Do You Care?

Every single day there is another story in the news, or on the television about some spoiled rich person in Hollywood who are in some type of "distress." By distress of course this means, they are in the hospital because they got a papercut, or now have a charity campaigning for them because they don't have enough money for the Ferrari. Yeah I know, who the fuck would want to settle for a plain old Lamborghini?

Seriously though, there are everyday people who have a lot bigger problems than those that are on our front pages, and five o'clock specials everyday. People who are having there homes foreclosed or are forced into things everyday are simply an afterthought. That is, if they're even thought of, of course.

What I mean in today's rant, is that I could really give less of a shit if Donald Trump has built another mansion. It's not relevant to any of us if you think about it. What's even worse is when people actually go out of their way to make a fuss out of something that doesn't affect them. The most famous instance of this that I can think of, is when amateur pornstar (let's just be honest, it's like the most productive thing that's she's ever done,) Paris Hilton was released from jail, there were hundreds of dumb preteen-future-bitches waiting with posters and crying because the Great Paris Hilton, was out prison.

They had a good point for wanting her released. What she did wasn't all that bad. Wait... what did she get sent in for?

Oh right, because she was driving recklessly while being drunk. I guess you'd be dropping your pathetic little posters if she was doing 90 in a school zone at the time... hypocrite fuckers.

As usual, I'm right about all of what I've mentioned. If it was you or your friend who had done that, get ready to spend the next year or two in a cosey jail cell with "Big Mike." Oh and I hope you're not in need of a new heart anytime in the near future. If your name doesn't rhyme with Pilton, or Gohan (lol... Dragon Dragonball...) expect to get those affairs in order.

Most of us are like ants. We all work for some fat bitch that decided she was our Queen. Eventually you are going to get stepped when you venture outside.

What. The. Fuck.

Guess what?

I'm pissed.

Why is it that stupid bands who only play songs for stupid teenage girls, try to make a song ripping on bands and singers who only play songs for stupid teenage girls?

If you followed that, good for you, you've made me proud. Movin' on.

Basically who I'm pointing my dick of justice at, is the band Hedley, who are out with their newest crap, "Cha-Ching." I know, even the title screams of douchebaggerdum.

Now what really gets my goat (oh my God, I miss the twenties,) are some of the ironic lyrics like,

"Line up all the Idols
Who paint on phony smiles
Tryin to ride the fast track for free..."

Didn't the lead singer get his fame from Canadian Idol? Hmmm, this is the desperate scream of a hypocrite analbead in my opinion.

Oh and what's even worse, is that this band managed to sell out. That's right, a band of sell outs, managed to sell out. That just amazes me. The reason I say this, is because it's a completely different sound from the other shit that they have. It sounds like it should be a Hannah Montana bonus track. I want her to go to hell in case you didn't know.

Hypocrisy: One song at a time.

If there is any hope, Rage Against the Machine will re-unite.