You Defiantly Can't Spell

"lmao, look at this idiot! He can't even spell the title correctly! Trololol."

Fuck you cunt(s.) Learn what irony is. I can definitely spell "definitely." Too bad 88.6% of people cannot. It's not a difficult word. It's simply the word "definite," with an "ly" at the end.

There is no excuse for you morons to spell this word wrong, over and over and over. God damn, you should be shot if you're going to spell it incorrectly and then post it on a forum such as the iTunes review. That is shit that you can't change. Whenever I happen to stumble across a review of an album by a user and I see them write at a second grade level, my dick becomes hard with rage.

Also for those of you who are wondering why I visit the iTunes store when I should clearly be stealing music: I visit the store to sample the music (which is of better quality than that of Youtube uploads.) I then decide whether or not I like the piece, and proceed to find a suitable torrent. It's a very simple process really.

Anyways, back to my rant. I can't believe how many morons can't spell this simple word. Here are some bastardized versions of a simple, English word:

- Defiantly (For fucks sake, that's a different word altogether!!!)
- Deffently (Sound it out dickbag, it doesn't even sound remotely correct.)
- Defintly
- Deffiantly
- Definitly (E! The fucking "E!")
- Defantly (Seriously, when I saw this, I nearly punched my grandmother.)
- Definnitely
- Defentily

Honestly, these are all examples of what stupid people have written. Not just on Facebook or MSN, but I've seen idiots even submit them to teachers in their homework. Jesus Christ you fail.

Now in all fairness, up until grade nine, even I had occasional problems with the word. You know what I did to combat my own idiocy? I LOOKED IN A FUCKING DICTIONARY!

Learn to open a dictionary morons. Hell, you can literally use an internet dictionary. For Christ sakes, if you open Microsoft Word you can even type in "deffently" or whatever retarded way you think its spelled; and it will give you a little red line telling you: "You fucked up the spelling." From there you can highlight your fail, right-click and it will give you the CORRECT spelling. Use it fuckwads. Learn to spell an easy word.

I hate you all.

PS - Happy one month. Unlike the rest, you don't fail.

Silly Slut, You're Not a Duck - You're a Slut!

To start things off, let's get a haiku up in this bitch.

Kill yourself now please,
Divide yourself by zero,
Prepare your anus.

Shakespeare was a classy devil if I do say so myself.


Anyways, this brings me to my inevitable rant. Today, let's cuntpunch a social disease. I'm sure you've guessed by now (if not read the title, dipshit,) that we're going to talk about "ducklips."

As defined by some guy on urbandictionary.com:

Ducklips -

Where one's lips look like a duck's bill(beak). Most scenefags [sic] make kissing faces while they take endless pictures of themselves and post them at various places on the internet. They think it looks really cool, but they actually look like an ugly ass duck. It looks really AWFUL, and makes me wan't [sic] to destroy the internet because so many people are doing it.


You see, I rather like this guy. I like his hateful spirit enough that I won't rip on his improper use of an apostrophe. However, I must say that it is not only "scenefags," who spread this mouth cancer around the internet. Oh, it's much worse. Every idiot with a Nikon does this. Apparently looking like you're in the middle of an enema is attractive, and guys will want you.

Here's a tip: I'm a guy. Trust me; we all think you look stupid. The only guy's who get a chub from seeing them are morons, and borderline furries. Needless to say, both groups are fucked beyond belief.

Look, I know that I'm not a model and no, I haven't taken any classes on fashion or anything, nut I think I can make a fair assessment of what makes someone look like an idiot. So with that being said, we must now try and figure out WHY, someone would intentionally try to make themselves look like they just sucked on *insert your own example here, ________________.

Personally I think it just comes down to people being insecure. A lot of people (and by this I mean teenage girls with a Facebook account,) feel like they're not pretty enough, or that people are judging them. Now, to be fair the latter is 100% true. I won't try to bullshit you by saying people aren't THAT shallow. I'm a realist, not a FOX reporter. On the other hand, a lot of these girls who make the duck-face, are actually pretty attractive. So why is it that the hot chicks are insecure? Is it due to their parents not giving them enough attention or something? LOL NO! It's actually because they're stupid. No seriously - it's that simple.

Fucking fuck. Just stop making making idiotic faces, okay? I swear you're mouth looks like an aliens asshole when you do it.


Also, watch these two videos SIMULTANEOUSLY. Your face will melt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLx60TZ9_T8
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=otphq5MuVqA

I Don't Care About Haiti. I Just Don't Care.

I was wandering around my house when I heard something on my television. No, it was not another fucking Jonas Brothers music video, nor was it an idiotic, over dramatized FOX report on Barack Obama (and how he is apparently some kind of God.) It was in fact ANOTHER FUCKING HAITI UPDATE.

Now, I may seem like a total asshole for saying this, but fuck you. I don't care -

I could give less than two shits about Haiti. I didn't care before, and I certainly do not care right now. Sure, it's sad that people died and that many homes and lives were ruined, but it's also sad that I have to hear some moronic reporter telling me about it each day.

Speaking of people whose dad should have worn a condom, what the fuck is with all of these people adopting all of these kids? I mean, I understand they have good intentions, but what about all of the children in Canada that are in foster homes? What the fuck does that tell them? Here's what is says you dolt's:

"Look, we understand that you don't have parents. However there are kid's from a country that we hadn't heard of until today, that don't have parents now either. You see it makes more sense to adopt a kid who doesn't understand our language or customs than it does to look after you. Well hopefully you see it the same way that we do.

PS - If it's any consolation, with the increase of Haitian-Canadians, our soccer team should be able to compete at a higher level in a few years."

Well, fuck. Doesn't that make you wonder why people are so stupid? No, that's right. You're probably just some dumbass who put in an order for a fresh Bijou or Agwe. However if you're not one of these people, I congratulate you for not being a A TOTAL IDIOT.

Just think, if something like this happened in the United States, half of the world would probably create a long-weekend holiday to commemorate the event - and no, I'm not implying that they would do this in Haiti. You know where I mean. Fuckers.

My Head Hurts

So I'm lurking the interwebs, and I see two links. The person who provided them claimed that these were the worst two groups IN THE WORLD. Well, I found this quite hard to believe. I mean look at the shit who is out there already:

-Miley Cyrus
-The Jonas Brothers
-Ke$ha
-Owl City
-Hollywood Undead
-Lady GaGa
-Soulja Boy
-Justin Bieber
-Stereos
-Hedley

Well, we all know there are more, but I'm to lazy to type all of this shit down. Anyways though, let's get back to my story shall we?

So the two links sent me to two groups. One was a girl group called: "Millionaires." Even by the group name I could tell my day was going to take a turn for the worse.

The second group consisted of males (theoretically,) and was called "Brokencyde." Well, the name sounded a bit stupid, but so does "Dropkick Murphy's," or "36 Crazyfists," and they're both pretty good bands.

So as I load the two videos, I instantly notice a few things that they share:

-Both groups look like ridiculous scene/hipster assholes.
-The song names are ridiculously stupid.
-The group names are ridiculously stupid.
-The comments below the video were ridiculously stupid.
-AUTOTUNE, AUTOTUNE and more AUTO-FUCKING-TUNAGE.


After watching about one minute of each video, I instantly felt the need to smash my laptop against my wall. However I soon realized that I love her, and decided to cry into a pillow instead.

These videos should be enough to either convert you to good music, kill yourself, reinforce your feelings of love towards metal/rock, or make you hurt innocent things.

Here are the links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruTqtbiLNAU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMdAbLVdx5U


If you have the balls to make it through the end of this task, I will be more than happy to call you a God.




Tolerance to Shit Game

Easy Mode: 10 seconds.
Normal Mode: 20 seconds.
Hard Mode: 40 seconds.
Extreme Mode: 1 minute, 30 seconds.
"I've had a lobotomy" Mode: 2 minutes.
GOD MODE: Watch that entire fucking video.

You only have to do this for ONE video. Making you watch both would just be mean. You must watch the video and listen simultaneously. Listening with your eyes closed is an instant disqualification.

Good luck you brave motherfuckers.

The Game, The Hangover and the Fact That I Spew Hate

Oh The Game, have you heard of it? It's wonderful you see. Did you just lose it? You know you did. Haha, you just thought of it, and you better have announced it to everyone within close proximity.

I'm so glad that The Game has come along. It's so cool!!!

:)




Fuck that, it's just damn stupid.

"The Game," is simply a large scale way to make every attention craving idiot feel connected. Birds have calls, dipshits have The Game. It wouldn't even be that bad if people actually new where The Game was popularized. Let's call it... Ebaumsworld. Hell, I would even tolerate this stupid shit if they didn't constantly have to say "Herpity derp, I lost the game guys, har har har DERP."

Sweet Christ, if you have not heard of "The Game," until now... count yourself as one of the few lucky humanoids. Don't you dare become one of the blubbering thwarted abortions. Only say "I lost the game," if you're mocking those of which that have the IQ of a banana.


On a side note, The Hangover is amazing. You know of that movie by now I would hope. If you haven't, I would STRONGLY recommend that you go out and buy it. I personally do not often recommend buying a movie, but in this case, I would suggest that you don't just torrent this bastard.

The only potential flaw with The Hangover, is the fact that they are set to release the sequel (cleverly named, The Hangover 2,) in 2011, I believe. The potential flaw in this of course, is the fact that many sequels SUCK. Hopefully this will be an exception to the movie rule, but I am bracing for a flop.

Regardless, I will forever love my satchel.

I've Come to a Conclusion About Teenage Girls (People Make Me Rage)

Ever wonder why teenage girls like Edward Cullen, 95 pound emo guys and highschool football players with the brain power of a shoe? If you have, kudos to you. You're probably not a dumbass.


Question Time


Q - Why do girls like Edward Cullen?

A - Stupidity. Robert Pattinson looks like he's stoned 24/7 and the only thing that works in his favour, is that he plays a character that may seem perfect in a book. Basically people read the stupid book Twilight, get a vag-boner and fall in love with that vampire doucher. Sketchy actor plays said vampire, and makes Miley Cyrus fans wet.


Q - Why do girls like emo/scene guys?

A - I have the theory that girls view them as lifelike dolls. You can put anything on them, and make them look like an asshole, and they won't care at all. As long as they can brood, listen to shitty bands (All Time Low, Thrice, etc.,) and take up bullshit causes like The Emo College Fund, Slit Wrists for Scabies or Silent Screams of the Socially Retarded.

God, I fucking hate you. Fuck the hipsters too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people who necessarily look like "emos/scenefucks," are dipshits, it's the one's who try to act like they're above everyone, act like total morons around their peers, brood over how they got the 8GB iPhone instead of the 16GB iPhone ("fuck you mom!,") or they "know the truth," or some other dumbass line like that.


Q - Why do girls go for stupid guys?

A - They like people on the same intellectual platform as them... Calm the fuck down. I'm joking. Honestly though, I think that they like stupid guys for the same reason we all like puppies. They're simple and they make us feel better about ourselves.


This post believe it or not, wasn't inspired by any kind of traumatizing event, where I was spurned or otherwise rejected. In fact, it's just a simple case of my bullshit detector doing cartwheels. It is my only wish that people would wake the fuck up. Stop acting like a prick, and stop trying to impress people. You look like an asshole.

And to those of you who might think that I'm simply posting this to get some kind of a reaction... you're right. I hope to God, that someone provides me with the answers to the aforementioned questions.

Also, I found this to be quite lulzy. Enjoy.

Facebook

We all know of. We love it and we saw we hate it. And with that, it's very clear some of us, use it far too much.

As a person who has had an account for a little over a year now, I've seen plenty of stupid crap posted by people. Things ranging from wall posts like "lool biiiiitch, were gunna get fucked up tonite! love ya slut!" to requests that ask you to join a group about supporting Fred.

I know right. 2012 cannot come fast enough.

Don't get me wrong though. Facebook can be a pretty great thing, as long as you're not a douchebag. The problem though, is that even if you're not the douchebag... you can be certain that there will be anywhere upwards of ten people on your friends list, that are.

How to Look Like an Ass:

- Continually ask me to join your Mafia, Fantasy Sport League, etc.

- Suggesting me to join groups such as "I flip my pillow over to the cool side."

- Pointless wall posts (We know, that you know, that we can see when you post your dumb shit.) We know there's a party. EVERYONE knows. We're going too. Shut the fuck up already bitch.

- This is largely associated with the third point here: Posting pictures of yourselves at parties. It's ok if you take 5-10 per party if you go all the time, but if you take between 20-100... every party, it gets really, really, really, really, really... redundant...

- Posting status updates every twenty minutes (if not fewer...) This isn't Twitter... And just like Twitter, nobody cares.

- Spamming your blog, Youtube channel, blood type, etc (I don't do it with mine, because if they saw this, they'd realize that I hate most of them.)

- Adding random people and then never responding to them when the send you a message asking who you are. Just fucking answer creep.

- Being alive.


Now as you can undoubtedly see, I am once again correct about everything I've just said....

School (Damnit.)

Oh God, the inevitable bullshit looms ever nearer. Yes, the beginning of another school year. Where millions of us (most of which have no future... you know it's true,) go back to learn things that will be 'useful,' and guide us for the rest of our lives. It's also a time where I have to start going to bed at a reasonable hour (midnightish.) It's the time where we all die a little inside. One more year will pass, and all we have to show for it, is a few pieces of paper with information on how we're either excelling at becoming a future worker drone, or how we are going to one day be another huge disappointment to our friends, family and possibly a gynaecologist.

For some of us, this school year means, that it's the last go around. It's last last year that we have to be stuck in the same little town, with the same people we've known since we last threw toys at each other (for some of us that was actually just yesterday...) Most importantly though, it means that this year, our marks actually affect us... A LOT. For me especially this is quite depressing. Through grades nine to eleven, I simply did enough to get by. Some would call this 'lazy,' but I call it efficient. I'm sure you can see how I'm right... again.

Don't get me wrong, there are bright sides to school though. We get to see our friends more often, we get to meet new people and if we actually like the subject, we mind actually enjoy learning some shit.

Ok, so as you can see, there are plenty of good reasons to go back. The underlying issue though is that once we're trapped until 3'oclock, Monday through Friday, is that we lose almost all of our independent freedom to think. Now by this I don't mean your thoughts on how you INDEPENDENTLY dislike your French class... no it's ok to think that. But what isn't encouraged is to think WHY DO WE NEED TO LEARN FRENCH? Should a class like that not be optional? Will the majority of us ever need to learn French?

Non, nous volonté pas.

That's right, I'm totally saying that our schools don't want us to think for ourselves most of the time. They discourage us from doing things that are just human nature. Any kind of violent act is discouraged. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging violence, but I do encourage people who stick up for themselves. Instead of taking abuse by his peers all through his school life, and then deciding to one day go on a shooting spree, little Timmy should just punch that bully in the face, and I can guarantee you won't see any more problems.

They (schools,) treat swearing for the most part, to be a hardcore act of defiance. Fuck that, it's just a common thing to do. If some kid in the hall accidentally knocks a book from under your arm, I think that it's your right to call him a dick. That kid knows that you probably don't mean it, and YOU know you don't mean it. You're just letting off some steam. It's just words, people get over it.

I could go on and on, about how all of this is a great form of bullshit, but I truly know that this is all falling upon deaf ears so to speak.

Stupid People (Yep, they still exist)

Stupid people please don't read this. Don't get me wrong, you most likely won't understand this because well... you're stupid.

Now I know we've all encountered them. Stupid people are in our schools, at our places of work, on our buses, and even in our libraries (I know right, like what the fuck???)

Now why exactly do I hate them? Well for as long as I can remember I've always tried to apply myself to be smart, to be diligent, hell I even tried to make sure I could spell my own goddamn name right! Lofty goals... yes I think so too. Over the last year or two though, I've slowly but surely given up. That's right, I've given up on trying to achieve anything on an academic level.

It seems you can try as hard as you want, but in the end there is always going to be some fucking moron who thinks that H2O is a special Pokemon attack. They'll get a few laughs because it's cute... they'll get the same response when they're thirty. Sure it makes me seem like a total asshole... but in case I haven't been clear on that: screw it, think what you want on the subject (but you're still wrong.) I just can't stand the fact that for the majority of us, we'll be forced to slowly conform to the ever growing stupid populous. Words like "migraine" will soon be replaced with "thinkache," people won't have the ability to differentiate between tuna and chicken, and Paris Hilton will still be allowed to live.

Oh and before I end this rant I'd like to say "fuck you" to the Afghan president Hamid Karzai, who has made it legal to allow Shiite men to demand sex from their wives every four days and keep them indoors indefinitely. Are you fucking kidding dude??? This is about the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. You are officially a moron, have fun setting your country back another twenty years douchebag.