Silly Slut, You're Not a Duck - You're a Slut!

To start things off, let's get a haiku up in this bitch.

Kill yourself now please,
Divide yourself by zero,
Prepare your anus.

Shakespeare was a classy devil if I do say so myself.


Anyways, this brings me to my inevitable rant. Today, let's cuntpunch a social disease. I'm sure you've guessed by now (if not read the title, dipshit,) that we're going to talk about "ducklips."

As defined by some guy on urbandictionary.com:

Ducklips -

Where one's lips look like a duck's bill(beak). Most scenefags [sic] make kissing faces while they take endless pictures of themselves and post them at various places on the internet. They think it looks really cool, but they actually look like an ugly ass duck. It looks really AWFUL, and makes me wan't [sic] to destroy the internet because so many people are doing it.


You see, I rather like this guy. I like his hateful spirit enough that I won't rip on his improper use of an apostrophe. However, I must say that it is not only "scenefags," who spread this mouth cancer around the internet. Oh, it's much worse. Every idiot with a Nikon does this. Apparently looking like you're in the middle of an enema is attractive, and guys will want you.

Here's a tip: I'm a guy. Trust me; we all think you look stupid. The only guy's who get a chub from seeing them are morons, and borderline furries. Needless to say, both groups are fucked beyond belief.

Look, I know that I'm not a model and no, I haven't taken any classes on fashion or anything, nut I think I can make a fair assessment of what makes someone look like an idiot. So with that being said, we must now try and figure out WHY, someone would intentionally try to make themselves look like they just sucked on *insert your own example here, ________________.

Personally I think it just comes down to people being insecure. A lot of people (and by this I mean teenage girls with a Facebook account,) feel like they're not pretty enough, or that people are judging them. Now, to be fair the latter is 100% true. I won't try to bullshit you by saying people aren't THAT shallow. I'm a realist, not a FOX reporter. On the other hand, a lot of these girls who make the duck-face, are actually pretty attractive. So why is it that the hot chicks are insecure? Is it due to their parents not giving them enough attention or something? LOL NO! It's actually because they're stupid. No seriously - it's that simple.

Fucking fuck. Just stop making making idiotic faces, okay? I swear you're mouth looks like an aliens asshole when you do it.


Also, watch these two videos SIMULTANEOUSLY. Your face will melt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLx60TZ9_T8
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=otphq5MuVqA

School (Damnit.)

Oh God, the inevitable bullshit looms ever nearer. Yes, the beginning of another school year. Where millions of us (most of which have no future... you know it's true,) go back to learn things that will be 'useful,' and guide us for the rest of our lives. It's also a time where I have to start going to bed at a reasonable hour (midnightish.) It's the time where we all die a little inside. One more year will pass, and all we have to show for it, is a few pieces of paper with information on how we're either excelling at becoming a future worker drone, or how we are going to one day be another huge disappointment to our friends, family and possibly a gynaecologist.

For some of us, this school year means, that it's the last go around. It's last last year that we have to be stuck in the same little town, with the same people we've known since we last threw toys at each other (for some of us that was actually just yesterday...) Most importantly though, it means that this year, our marks actually affect us... A LOT. For me especially this is quite depressing. Through grades nine to eleven, I simply did enough to get by. Some would call this 'lazy,' but I call it efficient. I'm sure you can see how I'm right... again.

Don't get me wrong, there are bright sides to school though. We get to see our friends more often, we get to meet new people and if we actually like the subject, we mind actually enjoy learning some shit.

Ok, so as you can see, there are plenty of good reasons to go back. The underlying issue though is that once we're trapped until 3'oclock, Monday through Friday, is that we lose almost all of our independent freedom to think. Now by this I don't mean your thoughts on how you INDEPENDENTLY dislike your French class... no it's ok to think that. But what isn't encouraged is to think WHY DO WE NEED TO LEARN FRENCH? Should a class like that not be optional? Will the majority of us ever need to learn French?

Non, nous volonté pas.

That's right, I'm totally saying that our schools don't want us to think for ourselves most of the time. They discourage us from doing things that are just human nature. Any kind of violent act is discouraged. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging violence, but I do encourage people who stick up for themselves. Instead of taking abuse by his peers all through his school life, and then deciding to one day go on a shooting spree, little Timmy should just punch that bully in the face, and I can guarantee you won't see any more problems.

They (schools,) treat swearing for the most part, to be a hardcore act of defiance. Fuck that, it's just a common thing to do. If some kid in the hall accidentally knocks a book from under your arm, I think that it's your right to call him a dick. That kid knows that you probably don't mean it, and YOU know you don't mean it. You're just letting off some steam. It's just words, people get over it.

I could go on and on, about how all of this is a great form of bullshit, but I truly know that this is all falling upon deaf ears so to speak.