How To Create a Successful Online Dating Profile

This is a topic I've been mulling over for awhile now. In a world where virtually everyone has their eyes glued to their computer screens and cell phones, it only seems logical that the world of online-dating will continue to flourish. People these days are spending less time than ever actually socializing in person. Everything is done via Twitter, Facebook, texts or something else involving keys and emoticons.

To those of you who already have or are thinking of creating online dating profiles through sites such as Plenty of Fish, OKCupid or eHarmony -- here are some great tips to help improve your chances of finding that special person.

Have an interesting opening line
Engage those who are about to read your profile. You're selling yourself after all. Say what you're looking for; whether it's someone for the long-haul or just a place to keep your penis warm for the night, let them know what you goal is.

Talk about your interests and hobbies
You want to let people know what you're all about as an individual. Tell people what you enjoy. List your musical preferences, your favourite movies or books. That gives the reader a bit more to grab on to. Also, it's a good way to see if you have mutual interests.

Have a nice profile picture
Nothing is worse than someone without a picture. Not having a picture is essentially code for "I have a BMI of about 35." Also, make sure your face is displayed. Just because your tits are double D gifts from Jeebus himself, it by no way means that you're pretty.

Give a brief backstory
This doesn't mean your life story. No one wants to hear about your issues with your older brother who picks on you, or that time your uncles male "ex-roommate" touched your wiggly bits after he convinced you that he was a certified pediatrician (even though you were 27 at the time.) No -- by a "backstory" I mean that you should mention where you go to school/work, a few interesting details and your future goals and expectations.

The average looking online dater

So there you go. You're on your way to creating a wildly successful online dating profile! However, I neglected to mention one thing...

Online profiles only work if you're an above average looking male, or a female (not even a good looking female... just one with working parts.) Online dating sites are for the most part full of delusional people women who believe that they're for some reason entitled to Brad Pitt; despite their obvious mediocrity.

Good luck out there; you'll need it (if you're a guy.)