What a great game. The Packers win, confetti, beer commercials and 300 pound men tackling each over. Fuck I love football.
Do you know who else loves football? ALL OF YOUR FUCKING FACEBOOK FRIENDS. People who couldn't tell you who their favourite (oh motherfuckers, you know I mean that with air quotes of the highest order,) teams quarterback is or who go "LMAO, Green Bay is in Wisconsin? I totally heard about that place on that '70s Show!" The same people who say that their favourite team is the Colts one year and then the Patriots the next. Hell, if the Lions somehow make it to the dance next year you'll probably read, "You know, I knew they'd make it. Fucking knew it!" No you didn't Cletus. No. You. Didn't.
Look I get it. It's the big game. Millions are watching. The hype, the lights, oh God - THE CHEERLEADERS. But talk to Uncle Sex Dragon... do you really know what you're watching? Do you know why the big man kicks the ball to the over team after a touchdown or a field goal? No, you don't - and that's okay. Just don't be a stupid fuck who acts as though they've followed "their team" like an unemployed, former highschool, second string punter.
WOMEN - let's talk.
*Note: This next section MAY or may not be misogynistic. If you do not condone this, please leave this site... or get some bread. There are sammiches to be made.*
You're the worst ones of all. WE KNOW YOU DON'T WATCH FOOTBALL. We know the only exposure you have been... exposed to, is when you're nice and agree to play a quarter of Madden with your boyfriend and ask why you can't find Sidney Crosby on Pittsburgh's roster. You don't seem cute when you post "GO GREEN BAY" or "GO STEELERS" on your Facebook account from your iPhone two hours before the game. We all know you haven't watch a game of theirs all year. Just stop.
Women, you can rest now. I'm done with your part. Back to everyone.
It's even more obvious that you're just trying to seem trendy, since this is the only sport that you do this. You don't pick a team for the NBA playoffs, nor did I read dozens of "Go Giants" or "Go Rangers!" during the world series. Here in Canada at least, when you suddenly pick your new favourite team during the third round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, there is just a small chance that you're not full of shit. Even then, it's a tossup.
So why do we only see this bandwagon trend happen with football? It only takes one game - three hours to decide a winner. That's right. People are fucking lazy. They're too lazy to even pretend to support a team for a four to seven game series.
And with that - Go Pats. Read it here, because it won't be on my Facebook before next years Super Bowl game. Fuck the Jets, by the way.
