'D' is for Douchebag

So as I walked through our school cafeteria today, I notice this kid. He was sitting alone eating a sandwich. All seemed well until the little bastard looks me dead in the eyes and... well the little cuntsack just fucking unloads the grossest, most Hitleresque sneeze that I've ever seen. Honest to Buddha, a piece of chicken shot past my head... needless to say, I plan to press charges on the grounds that he is a douchebag.

Now the second asshole I've encountered was just plain dumb. Sitting at one of our lovely econo-save excuses for a lunchtable, this dumb bitch (I mean this in the nicest way possible) just sort of creates her own conversation about me... while being about two and a half feet across from me. Apparently I am dumb, debf and blind so that I can't possibly know when a scrote-faced prick decides to talk shit (again, nicest meaning of those words,) about me. I was sort of surprised that there was any sort of conversation to be had about me, due to the fact that I'm about as gossip-worthy as an orange.

Now I really could care less about this awkward encounter, but I'd like to share this as advice to stupid people everywhere who think that they're on a higher pedastal than the rest of us commonfolk, that their opinion really "matters:"

Your opinion really just doesn't matter.

Stupid People (Yep, they still exist)

Stupid people please don't read this. Don't get me wrong, you most likely won't understand this because well... you're stupid.

Now I know we've all encountered them. Stupid people are in our schools, at our places of work, on our buses, and even in our libraries (I know right, like what the fuck???)

Now why exactly do I hate them? Well for as long as I can remember I've always tried to apply myself to be smart, to be diligent, hell I even tried to make sure I could spell my own goddamn name right! Lofty goals... yes I think so too. Over the last year or two though, I've slowly but surely given up. That's right, I've given up on trying to achieve anything on an academic level.

It seems you can try as hard as you want, but in the end there is always going to be some fucking moron who thinks that H2O is a special Pokemon attack. They'll get a few laughs because it's cute... they'll get the same response when they're thirty. Sure it makes me seem like a total asshole... but in case I haven't been clear on that: screw it, think what you want on the subject (but you're still wrong.) I just can't stand the fact that for the majority of us, we'll be forced to slowly conform to the ever growing stupid populous. Words like "migraine" will soon be replaced with "thinkache," people won't have the ability to differentiate between tuna and chicken, and Paris Hilton will still be allowed to live.

Oh and before I end this rant I'd like to say "fuck you" to the Afghan president Hamid Karzai, who has made it legal to allow Shiite men to demand sex from their wives every four days and keep them indoors indefinitely. Are you fucking kidding dude??? This is about the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. You are officially a moron, have fun setting your country back another twenty years douchebag.

A Lesson (in Dumbassary...)

*This will be random and will most likley offend some twelve year old... I appologize for sincerely not caring*

Hanna Montana sucks.

"Yeah but dude, you're just an untalented waste, who is just jealous of what this person has achieved. You're just jealous because she'll make more money in a month than you will in a lifetime. Damn dude you really suck because you feel the need to write this in a blog rather than doing something productive with your life."

... wow you just read me like a book. You've totally seen that I'm jealous and hateful for no apparent reason... don't get me wrong though, I'll still be that way regardless of these facts.

Lets be real folks, she may be a superstar who is slowly consuming legions of fragile preteen minds, but in all factually her fans hate her as much as I do. They just don't know it yet.

"But dude, why do the fans love her enough to go to her concerts and illegally download her so-called music???"

Oh don't worry, it's totally explainable: THEY'RE STUPID.

"Do you care to elaborate on that?

... No.

"Let's see how other Disney... "stars," have faired:
Lindsay Lohan: ... nuff said.
Jonas Brothers: "Burnin' up"... shut the fuck up...
Demi Lavato: Yeah I know eh, I've never heard a song either.
Hilary Duff: Disney did something right...

But do you know what pisses me off the most??? It's the fact that I've been calling her by a stagename the entire time, and I find it totally acceptable.

"Wow of all things, THAT pisses you off? Just call her Miley Cyrus then!"

I shall not, because I intend to end this post.

In conclusion: Kiss my ass Disney. You're slowly killing me along with global warming, and a suddenly laggy internet connection (let's just say... laggy porn...)