Toronto: Finishing 2010

Well back in October I outlined how the Toronto Maple Leafs...

Oh, Phil Kessel just scored on a power play against San Jose.. 2-2 game in the second now. lolololol Kessel is awesome.

Anyways, at the beginning of the year I praised Brian Burke for improving the Leafs' roster. He added Francois Beauchemin, Mike Komisarek, Garnet Exelby, Phil Kessel, Wayne Primeau, Rickard Wallin, Colton Orr and goalie, Jonas Gustavsson.

After those acquisitions I thought that we would have a good enough team to contend for one one the last playoff spots in the East. It's hard to blame me though seeing as we had young promising players like Stajan, Ian White, Kulemin, Schenn and Ponikarovski. Not to be forgotten are the veterans which include(d) the likes of Tomas Kaberle, Mayers, Jason Blake and Hagman.

I said that I thought our biggest weakness would be our goalkeeping and I was not wrong. Although Gustavsson is our goalie of the future, he still is adjusting to life in the NHL. So far he has played well for a first year player, but certainly not good enough to carry a team. On the other hand, I was hoping that Vesa Toskala would be able to rebound of his injuries plagued '09 season. This was certainly, not the case though.

Well as February rolled around, the Leafs looked awful. Toskala was having trouble stopping beach balls, Wallin still hadn't scored a goal, Kessel was slumping, Komisarek was injured, Grabovski was injured and it looked like the Boston Bruins would end up with the first or second overall pick in the NHL entry draft.

Then out of nowhere Brian Burke made my head explode. I wake up around 10am on Sunday morning to open my Facebook. I happen to see the status update of a good friend that said:

"omg peace Toskala"

I sat there and was like... hmmm, maybe they they put him on waivers and Joey MacDonald will be our backup from now on. Then I scrolled down the page to see someone else's post that read:

"Phaneuf and Giguere not bad"

Naturally I concluded that Calgary and Anaheim had made some sort of three team blockbuster so I decided to check it out.

What happened next blew my mind.

I opened nhl.com to see the headline confirming that Burke had made a trade with Phaneuf, and a trade with Anaheim.

I proceeded to jizz in my pants.

Dion Pheneuf, Fredrik Sjostrom and Keith Aulie had been traded to the Leafs for Jamal Mayers, Niklas Hagman as well as Matt Stajan and Ian White (two of my favourite Leafs for some time.) In fact I had envisioned Stajan to become the captain of the Leafs one day.

Then, I saw we had finally gotten Jean-Sebastian Giguere from the Ducks for Vesa Toskala and Jason Blake. Although it wasn't anything personal with Blake and Toskala I was ecstatic to see them gone. If my memory serves me, I believe they combined for about $7 million dollars, 11 goals and a 3.88 GAA. Not exactly worth the bucks am I right?

So now my team looked something like this:


** - Often healthy scratches or splitting time with Marlies
*** - Injured


P. Kessel
T. Bozak**
M. Grabovski***
W. Primeau***
R. Wallin
L. Stempniak
C. Orr
N. Kulemin
F. Sjostrom
A. Ponikarovsky
J. Rosehill**
J. Mitchell
C. Hanson**
V. Stalberg**

F. Beauchemin
D. Phaneuf
T. Kaberle
L. Schenn
M. Van Ryn***
J. Finger**
C. Gunarsson**
G. Exelby

J. Giguere
J. Gustavsson


Missing young players who had split time between the Marlies and the Leafs last year are:


Jiri Tlusty (Traded to Carolina)
Robbie Earl (Traded to Minnesota)
Justin Pogge (Traded to Anaheim)
Kris Newbury (Signed with Detroit)


I predicted that Toskala would be traded and Nazem Kadri would be debuting around the All-Star break. Well, Toskala was traded last weekend, and Kadri made his NHL debut in the Leafs' loss tonight (3-2.)

Unfortunately this season has been pretty bad. It is however improving vastly, and makes me definitely excited for next year.

I'll be bold once again and just name the players who I don't believe will be around next year. Other than these players, I expect everyone else to wear the blue and white.


Ponikarovski (Traded at deadline to either Pittsburgh, Phoenix, or Colorado)
Stempniak (Traded at deadline to either Pittsburgh, Phoenix or Colorado)
Kaberle (Traded during summer to either Chicago, Los Angeles or Dallas)
Exelby (Traded at deadline to either Chicago or will simply not resign at the end of the year)
Finger (Traded at deadline to either Washington, Carolina, Florida or will be bought out at years end)


All in all, I like the direction that we're going in and I think that Burke has done a good job so far. I wouldn't be too surprised to see the likes of a Paul Kariya, Matthew Lombardi or Colby Armstrong in a Leafs uniform next year. To all of you who complained about trading for Giguere... I told you he was still pretty good.

Two shutouts in his first two games. One against New Jersey and the second against Ottawa which snapped the Sens' ten game winning streak. Tonight he let in three goals against the second best team in the league. He's definitely given our team a chance to win each time, against very tough opponents.

My Head Hurts

So I'm lurking the interwebs, and I see two links. The person who provided them claimed that these were the worst two groups IN THE WORLD. Well, I found this quite hard to believe. I mean look at the shit who is out there already:

-Miley Cyrus
-The Jonas Brothers
-Ke$ha
-Owl City
-Hollywood Undead
-Lady GaGa
-Soulja Boy
-Justin Bieber
-Stereos
-Hedley

Well, we all know there are more, but I'm to lazy to type all of this shit down. Anyways though, let's get back to my story shall we?

So the two links sent me to two groups. One was a girl group called: "Millionaires." Even by the group name I could tell my day was going to take a turn for the worse.

The second group consisted of males (theoretically,) and was called "Brokencyde." Well, the name sounded a bit stupid, but so does "Dropkick Murphy's," or "36 Crazyfists," and they're both pretty good bands.

So as I load the two videos, I instantly notice a few things that they share:

-Both groups look like ridiculous scene/hipster assholes.
-The song names are ridiculously stupid.
-The group names are ridiculously stupid.
-The comments below the video were ridiculously stupid.
-AUTOTUNE, AUTOTUNE and more AUTO-FUCKING-TUNAGE.


After watching about one minute of each video, I instantly felt the need to smash my laptop against my wall. However I soon realized that I love her, and decided to cry into a pillow instead.

These videos should be enough to either convert you to good music, kill yourself, reinforce your feelings of love towards metal/rock, or make you hurt innocent things.

Here are the links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruTqtbiLNAU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMdAbLVdx5U


If you have the balls to make it through the end of this task, I will be more than happy to call you a God.




Tolerance to Shit Game

Easy Mode: 10 seconds.
Normal Mode: 20 seconds.
Hard Mode: 40 seconds.
Extreme Mode: 1 minute, 30 seconds.
"I've had a lobotomy" Mode: 2 minutes.
GOD MODE: Watch that entire fucking video.

You only have to do this for ONE video. Making you watch both would just be mean. You must watch the video and listen simultaneously. Listening with your eyes closed is an instant disqualification.

Good luck you brave motherfuckers.

The Game, The Hangover and the Fact That I Spew Hate

Oh The Game, have you heard of it? It's wonderful you see. Did you just lose it? You know you did. Haha, you just thought of it, and you better have announced it to everyone within close proximity.

I'm so glad that The Game has come along. It's so cool!!!

:)




Fuck that, it's just damn stupid.

"The Game," is simply a large scale way to make every attention craving idiot feel connected. Birds have calls, dipshits have The Game. It wouldn't even be that bad if people actually new where The Game was popularized. Let's call it... Ebaumsworld. Hell, I would even tolerate this stupid shit if they didn't constantly have to say "Herpity derp, I lost the game guys, har har har DERP."

Sweet Christ, if you have not heard of "The Game," until now... count yourself as one of the few lucky humanoids. Don't you dare become one of the blubbering thwarted abortions. Only say "I lost the game," if you're mocking those of which that have the IQ of a banana.


On a side note, The Hangover is amazing. You know of that movie by now I would hope. If you haven't, I would STRONGLY recommend that you go out and buy it. I personally do not often recommend buying a movie, but in this case, I would suggest that you don't just torrent this bastard.

The only potential flaw with The Hangover, is the fact that they are set to release the sequel (cleverly named, The Hangover 2,) in 2011, I believe. The potential flaw in this of course, is the fact that many sequels SUCK. Hopefully this will be an exception to the movie rule, but I am bracing for a flop.

Regardless, I will forever love my satchel.

I've Come to a Conclusion About Teenage Girls (People Make Me Rage)

Ever wonder why teenage girls like Edward Cullen, 95 pound emo guys and highschool football players with the brain power of a shoe? If you have, kudos to you. You're probably not a dumbass.


Question Time


Q - Why do girls like Edward Cullen?

A - Stupidity. Robert Pattinson looks like he's stoned 24/7 and the only thing that works in his favour, is that he plays a character that may seem perfect in a book. Basically people read the stupid book Twilight, get a vag-boner and fall in love with that vampire doucher. Sketchy actor plays said vampire, and makes Miley Cyrus fans wet.


Q - Why do girls like emo/scene guys?

A - I have the theory that girls view them as lifelike dolls. You can put anything on them, and make them look like an asshole, and they won't care at all. As long as they can brood, listen to shitty bands (All Time Low, Thrice, etc.,) and take up bullshit causes like The Emo College Fund, Slit Wrists for Scabies or Silent Screams of the Socially Retarded.

God, I fucking hate you. Fuck the hipsters too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people who necessarily look like "emos/scenefucks," are dipshits, it's the one's who try to act like they're above everyone, act like total morons around their peers, brood over how they got the 8GB iPhone instead of the 16GB iPhone ("fuck you mom!,") or they "know the truth," or some other dumbass line like that.


Q - Why do girls go for stupid guys?

A - They like people on the same intellectual platform as them... Calm the fuck down. I'm joking. Honestly though, I think that they like stupid guys for the same reason we all like puppies. They're simple and they make us feel better about ourselves.


This post believe it or not, wasn't inspired by any kind of traumatizing event, where I was spurned or otherwise rejected. In fact, it's just a simple case of my bullshit detector doing cartwheels. It is my only wish that people would wake the fuck up. Stop acting like a prick, and stop trying to impress people. You look like an asshole.

And to those of you who might think that I'm simply posting this to get some kind of a reaction... you're right. I hope to God, that someone provides me with the answers to the aforementioned questions.

Also, I found this to be quite lulzy. Enjoy.

We're All Screwed...

Time to rage.

So I'm assuming anyone who reads this has a window in their house. I also assume that they occasionally look out this window as well. Hopefully I'm not overestimating anyone here. If you have peered out this window, you probably notice that our world is dying.

Yes... dying. By the way, I refuse to make this a goddamn hippy post where I bitch out polluters... because frankly I don't care about it that much.

Anyways, the world: dying. How and why you ask? Well before we get to that part, let me explain in detail what I mean by use of a simple time line.

- Some painter in Germany had an idea.
- World War Two.
- War is over.
- Babies... lots of babies.
- Some people in Asia start doing shit.
- Vietnam.
- George Carlin continues his badassary.
- Some shit happens.
- MTV stops showing music videos.
- Bush Jr.
- Re-elected.
- Carrie Prejean.
- Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus begin the rape of young minds.
- Obama elected because he's "going to change things."
- Tiger Woods' found cheating on wife.
- lol.
- ???


As you've probably noticed by now, I'm somewhat of an optimist... anyways though, whenever I go outside, I know I'm going to see any or all of these things: dumb kids who think they're badass because they wear baggy pants, stupid girls who have over-tanned and look like a foot, and stupid people who text on the phone for ten minutes just to realize they can't remember how to spell 'cellphone.'

That's right, it looks like everyone is becoming more, and more idiotic. Google searches help the dumb, spell 'dumb,' and Paris Hilton is still allowed to be on television. It doesn't help that guidos are by law, allowed to fucking breed.

Honestly, I don't even have the heart to keep typing. so this rage will have to end mid sente...

In Flames

Only one word can describe this band: fucking awesome.

... erm, yeah.


Anyways, I had never heard of them until a year or so ago when their song "Free Fall," was featured on one of the Madden games, if I recall correctly. After hearing that one song I thought they were worth a look but I didn't have highspeed internet at the time. A few months later I happened to hear "Cloud Connected," which made me think that they were even MORE badass. It wasn't until a month ago or so when I decided to look again. Now I started off listening to their "Reroute to Remain" album, which in my opinion is their best.

Their music is like the only shit that is pure amazing, and that's new to me at the moment as far as the metal genre goes. And since their last album was in 2008 along with Protest the Hero, Metallica, All That Remains, and Slipknot's last records... needless to say there has been a lot of crappy stuff out.

I'm not sure exactly what it is, but for whatever reason, In Flames does not seem like that common of a name around where I am. Now maybe it's because I live in a crappy little town where have the chicks think they're from L.A because they have fake tans, or the guys think they're badass because they put their dads old ACDC cd's on repeat all the time, but I've only come across three or four others who have actually listened to them.

Hopefully these Swedes don't go anywhere for awhile because they're quickly becoming one of my favourite new bands for sure. As I type this I'm listening to some songs from their "Clayman" cd, and I must say, it's pretty badass too.

As of now I'd give their cd's these scores:

Reroute to Remain - 4.9 stars
Clayman - 4.5 stars
A Sense of Purpose - 4 stars

Favourite songs:

Trigger
Cloud Connected
Free Fall
Dark Signs
Satellites and Astronauts
Square Nothing
Alias

I have definitely got some more listening to do, "Come Clarity" comes to mind, but I'm pretty sure this stuff will not disappoint.

Ripping Off VH1

I have been thinking this over for about the last twenty minutes or so, and have compiled my forty favourite metal songs of all time. REMEMBER: These are my personal favourites. I don't care if a song was left out that inspired a generation. If I don't think it's as good as these, it won't be on here. There will be "heavy metal," "death metal," "Nu-Metal," "progressive metal," and even some "metalcore," on here.

WARNING: "Crazy Train," and "Welcome to the Jungle," will not be making an appearance. I love those songs, but they definitely aren't the first thing that I look for on my iPod. Anarchy will ensue I'm sure.

Now when I say metal, this doesn't mean my list is just going to be Megadeath, Iron Maiden and Metallica only. I like all sorts of stuff. So if you're expecting to just see a bunch of stuff from the late 70's through to the early 90's, you've come to the wrong place. Born in '92, what do you really expect of me?

40. Killing in the Name - Rage Against the Machine
39. Symphony of Destruction - Megadeath
38. Loyalty - American Head Charge
37. Contractor - Lamb of God
36. Spoils - Protest the Hero
35. Die With Your Boots On - Iron Maiden
34. Perfect Insanity - Disturbed
33. Enter Sandman - Metallica
32. War? - System of a Down
31. Nothing Remains - Chimaira
30. Cloud Connected - In Flames
29. Cowboys From Hell - Pantera
28. Nothing Left - As I Lay Dying
27. Gematria (The Killing Name) - Slipknot
26. Two Weeks - All That Remains
25. My Plague - Slipknot
24. Schism - Tool
23. Know Your Enemy - Rage Against the Machine
22. Panic Attack - Dream Theater
21. Free Fall - In Flames
20. Chiron - All That Remains
19. (Sic) - Slipknot
18. Revenga - System of a Down
17. Sequoia Throne - Protest the Hero
16. Sleep Now in the Fire - Rage Against the Machine
15. Sworn to a Great Divide - Soilwork
14. Born of a Broken Man - Rage Against the Machine
13. BYOB - System of a Down
12. Aerials - System of a Down
11. Set to Fail - Lamb of God
10. Aenima - Tool
09. One - Metallica
08. The Prisoner - Iron Maiden
07. Forgotten (Lost Angels) - Lamb of God
06. The Unforgiven III - Metallica
05. Sequoia Throne - Protest the Hero
04. Chop Suey! - System of a Down
03. Ticks and Leeches - Tool
02. Toxicity - System of a Down
01. Before I Forget - Slipknot